


Hero

by Kati67



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, John Watson's Blog, John's Reichenbach Feels, Johnlock Fluff, M/M, Sherlock Holmes Returns after Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:28:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2783246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kati67/pseuds/Kati67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Reichenbach John writes in his blog as adviced by his therapist</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

 

_And they say that a hero could save us_

_I'm not gonna stand here and wait_

_I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles_

_Watch as we all fly away_

_And they're watching us_

_(watching us)_

_They're watching us_

_(watching us)_

_As we all fly away_

 

**_Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them._ **

 

Horrified absolutely horrified there’s no other word for it. When I’m writing this all down I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do next; I still need time to wrap my head around it all. I just can’t believe he’s gone. That it all went so horribly wrong. I don’t think I can put it any other way than that to be honest. My therapist says to write it all down and although this is the first thing I’m writing about it in a long time I do think it will be the last as well. I just can’t do this. I am heart broken.

It all happened when I got the call from him to come to St. Bart’s. I still don’t know why he wanted me there. To see me one last time to say his good byes; I do not know but I do know that I keep seeing it over and over in my head and it doesn’t stop. I want it to stop but it won’t. It keeps playing on and on in my head; over and over again especially at night, in dreams or when I can’t sleep. I keep asking myself why, why he did this to me. I see him falling down the building and crashing on the ground, well I didn’t see that of course because I got knocked over by a bike but in my dreams I do see that. That horrible display of his body splatting down on the ground his skull… the blood. I just…

I’m sorry I don’t know if I can do this. I’m still a blabbering crying idiot and I don’t seem to get over this. Right where was I.

The call; He called me and said I had to stay there. I started to panic, I knew something was wrong. He started to say things like it was all a magic trick and I didn’t understand what he was on about. I still don’t to this day. I just wanted him to come down from there but then he jumped and I shouted his name; ‘Sherlock!’ and ran across the street only to be run over by a man on a bike. He knocked me down pretty good because I didn’t see Sherlock fall. I needed to go to him he needed me. I needed to see if… if he was still alive. I got up and stumbled to him. There were lots of people and I pushed them all away. He was lying on the ground with blood everywhere.

\----

I had to stop writing there I just can’t relive it again. I’m having enough nightmares as it is. My friends are a great help I mean Molly has come by and Greg and even Mycroft but it’s been weeks now since it happened and I just can’t believe he’s gone. I’m still at Baker Street but it just doesn’t feel right being here on my own without him. I’m thinking of moving out away from it all. I can’t be here without him. Everything here reminds me of him. Even the skull is looking at me. I can’t bare it it’s all too much. I never even told Sherlock but I’ve grown quite fond of him really. Not to say very fond. I don’t think he ever noticed me looking at him when he was deducing things but I admired him hell I think I loved him. I always thought I still would get my chance of telling him that and that we would get to live out our days here as an old couple doing a case now and then. But now that’s all over with isn’t it. I’m angry really. He just left me. Without a proper explanation he just bloody well left me.  
Mrs H and I are going to the cemetery tomorrow and I really don’t know how to cope. I haven’t seen the stone yet and Mrs H said she wants to come with. I would much rather have gone alone. Oh for God’s sake Sherlock why?

\----

Well Mrs H and I are just back from the cemetery and no time like the present. So I stood there and looked at the grave while Mrs H was babbling on. I turned to her and told her I just wanted to be alone with you for a while. She understood and left me. Honestly Sherlock I think she was happy to do so as well. I just stood there watching and then I started to talk to you as if you could hear me. ‘Sherlock, why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me? Sherlock, just … please don’t be dead’ It didn’t help one bit of course; dead is dead but for me it helped some. I touched the stone and it just felt if you were watching me. I went home with Mrs H and told her of my moving plans and she was shocked to say the least. I can’t help it; I just cannot live here without you.  
Mycroft came by again this afternoon. He sat down in your chair and I just wanted to kick him out. He asked me how I was and I told him the truth. I couldn’t help it; it just came out. I needed to tell someone and since you aren’t here anymore. He looked rather shocked. You should’ve seen his face, Sherlock. But he recovered nicely and was very understanding. However he did say something very odd when he left. He said everything would be all right soon enough and I don’t see for the life of me how that could be. But hey, it’s Mycroft after all. Oh wait there’s someone at the door (as if you really reading this)

\----

I don’t know how to put it but he’s back. He is sitting here right in front of me reading. No I’m not crazy he is very real. When there was someone at the door it was Sherlock. I thought I’d faint when I saw him come in. I think I almost did. He walked in and smiled and said ‘Hi’ and ‘I’m sorry John’  
I completely lost it I was so angry. I went mad and cried and yelled at him and he took it all in. He later explained it all why he had to hide; because of Moriarty. He really wasn’t sure it was okay to come out of hiding already but Mycroft had told him about my confession. He took both my hands and Sherlock not being a man to show his feelings very easily that was saying a lot. He said ‘John, I am so sorry to do all that to you but I felt I had no choice at the time. I couldn’t involve you as your life was in danger too and you mean everything to me. When Mycroft told me of your plans I knew I had to come back even though it could mean my life could be threatened again. But Mycroft has looked into that and it’s all right now. Please John, stay here with me. I share your feelings for a long time now’

So now everything is as it should be, Sherlock is back I’m staying and we’re together. And since Moriarty isn’t a threat anymore we are very relieved and happy once again. Sherlock once told me not to make him into a hero and although I will never say this to him, he really is my hero.


End file.
